Good-day and good mental health to you all!

Woe is not really me. In fact, as luck would have it, we are two completely different entities. Lucky woe.

In life, I am currently drowning in a shallow puddle of creative writing, when I should actually be learning such meaningless, meaningless facts as: well I don't know, do I? I haven't learned them.
Which is not great, as my first exam was yesterday. Shall we say I afterwards went out to clog the arteries of my sorrow with fat sandwiches and cookies, and later returned home to bed and a pile of books.

And that is a yes, I am the coolest person / Pirate Queen you will ever have the honour of reading. I suggest you bow. Or not, it won't make the slightest bit of difference... I will still own you all.

On the plus side, I can now put my wonderful Scottish book to the side as I no longer need to know the first little thing about it. A downside is that I actually rather liked it...

Does anyone else find it horribly, dreadfully unfair that Douglas Adams is dead, old and English, as opposed to young, scottish and marrying me? Oh, and alive, of course?

Aside from that, I'm happy (if a little buggered) and kind of annoyed that the last steamie was closed down 28 years before I was born. I am considering writing an angry letter to the city council, telling of this injustice, my resulting anger, and the utter deliciousness of tuna and banana sandwiches. I'm sure it will be well-recieved, and that many, many years of culinary pleasure will now be All My Fault.

Also, have a couple of questions that have been annoying me for the last few days: 1) why is the tense face (see "mood") itchy? and 2) do I write in a posh manner?

Now you can waste my time and yours with a few facts:

*A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time. It does, therefore, annoy me greatly when people say "back in a jiffy", as this would be physically impossible!!

*Moby Dick was a sperm whale.

*Tuna and banana sandwiches are something of a genius creation, and I will not rest until this becomes the opinion of someone who isn't me.

*The whale that / who played Free Willy is the same age as me! Or was, last time I checked.

*While traveling at fast speeds, penguins leap out of the water every few feet. This is called "Porpoising." It helps them breathe

*When a pirate said "shiver me timbers" it was actually a request for another pirate to shave an especially difficult-to-reach portion of his lower back.

*Islets of Langerhans are not, as one (or, fine, I) might first suspect, small Scottish islands, but little things on the pancreas.

*Female pirates were very common and much prized for their hair-free lower backs.

Now, bugger off and have a fun-filled and cancer-free Friday.